Until I “got” Grace, until I learned that difficulties in my life came not because I needed to be punished, I failed to understand the DISCIPLINE side of life’s difficulties.
The weight and fear of PUNISHMENT taught me to hide my guilt from the judgement of the punisher. DISCIPLINE that flows from a heart of LOVE draws the disciplined one closer.
GRACE will include DISCIPLINE.
DISCIPLINE must be wrapped in GRACE.
DISCIPLINE, properly administered and understood leads to Freedom, Confidence and Joy in the Presence of the One who paid the Price.
It Really IS Just That Simple 
Tiff: I came across this conversation this morning because a friend “liked” the post.
It’s been a while since we had our Back’nForth. How’ya doing?
I am so scared that 5 or more years I will be suffering.. but in the long run, 5 years is nothing I know.. but when I was used to such deep love and compassion that is GONE now, its hard.. I barely get a hug.. only a kiss when he’s been drinking.. Unless I am doing something for him, like a massage, he says “don’t touch me”. It hard.. Most nights I wait for him to fall asleep so I can get comfortable.. My comfortable sleep position is right up against him.. Even when I am sick and can’t lay that way, I have to have my hand or foot touching him in some way.. He is my security blanket, or was..
Mine was not an “AH HA” moment. I think recovery seldom(never) is. It was a 5 year awakening from a dark place. Find and read “Thr Real Me.”
On the right hand side of my blog page should be a list of articles.
Jim,
Your discovery is what I pray my husband has… Heavenly Father told me that when I change, My husband will begin to also.. Seeing baby steps! I just wish he could have an AH HA moment and jump in!
I’m still learning the respect thing, and I am also learning that the way my husband shows his love for me might not always be what I expect or think it should be.. but its love all the same.. I try to acknoledge these efforts so he can see that I appreciate all he does do for me.
My WW’n I celebrated 47 years last October. Thx in part to learning more about how to “Love and Respect”, our marriage us better than ever. Part of the journey was learning to respect myself. Part was learning that I was worthy of more respect. Part was learning how much God Loves me Unconditionally. Part was learning how to Love without expecting it to change her. (that’s a big one – still learning that) Part if it was accepting her Love “just as I am” without feeling I HAD to let it change me in order to keep it.
Part of it was learning that GOD LOVES ME – because He Chooses To! I can therefore Love her, because I CHOOSE TO. Not because of anything she does – or doesn’t do – not because she’s my wife(and I have to) but simply because I CHOOSE to Love her.
I can not, could not Live her like this – until I realized that’s how God Loves me.
And – I have to let her Love me – because she VHOOSES to. I’ve had to set her free to Love me – or not. Her choice. I had to stop looking for her to prove her Love to me.
WOW! Where did all THAT come from? My Daddy was a Preacher-Man. I’m not. I just share from my heart. Experience, Strength ‘n Hope. Take from it what U want.
This is the first time I’ve had this kind of back’n forth dialogue on the blog. I appreciate Ur honesty and vulnerability. I learn from it, hope ‘n pray U’re helped as well.
PROCESS. JOURNEY. ONE DAY @ A TIME.
Jim,
I have read and done and doing again “The Respect Dare” I have also read the book “Love and Respect” Currently reading “The four Agreements”.
As many women before me, I struggle with the concept of Unconditional Respect. We believe what the world says, that respect must be earned. I have been striving to be better and for the most part I know I am.. I still fall short at times and have to ask for forgiveness. I still feel dis-respected and un-loved much of the time, but over the past few months I have buckled down and been determined to do what is right even when my partner is not doing his part.
Tiff – did U find the link to the “Judge” post?
If not, try this: https://itreallyisjustthatsimple.com/my-judge-or-father/
Tiffanie:
Let me encourage you to look up “Love and Respect”
Can you send it to me? Not sure how to navigate your blog and find it!!
Thanks for your words of encourgement! I am seeing steps in the direction I want, but my patience wears thin at times.. Since I do not know what it is like for man to feel so unloved from such disrespect, its hard for me. I do know what it feels like to feel unloved though and its devistating to me!
All I can do is keep working on me and praying that my husband returns to the Lord
Tiffaine: if U haven’t yet, read my post titled “JUDGE? or FATHER!”
Especially the last part where He says: “…when U read my Letter and see something U have failed at… Ur failure does not affect my Love for U….
I have a post I’ve been thinking about writing that will be about what U’re sharing. But first, let be share this with U. I tell my “safe friends” -congratulations on having some! – “I am completely AMAZED that – the more I let God work on and change me, the better my wife gets. A couple of months ago, she said to me – “Honey, it’s been a LONG time since I felt I could not do anything right for U.” It was good she felt the freedom to say that. It was crucial I listened to her. I realized I was trying to “hurry her up so she would be what I needed.” I backed away – on purpose! Because God changed me. I can trust Him to change HER – as HE knows she needs to changed.
It was my EGO that thought I knew how she needed to change. OW! God’s taken a few switches to my ego over the past months. But I’m always better for it. I don’t fear those “spankings” like I used to.
I lived in this place of hiding my sins for sooo long! I thought if ANYONE knew them that they would hate me.. Through the trauma of this last year I have learned that TRUE christians do not judge, but are there to help lead us back to the path Christ has for us. I have found some truly amazing friends that I can be 100% honest with that never appear to judge me, only listen and offer guidance.
I hid so much that the lies poured from my mouth.. I was so ashamed of my sin that I could not admit it even to my spouse. NOW the lies have cost me dearly.. my marriage as I knew it is OVER. I am hopeful that a new found relationship can still be built with my husband. We are trying to heal, but its hard when we’ve both hurt eachother so deeply. My husband doesn’t even know if he loves me and wants to continue to try. He is still here and going through the motions so I feel that God is working on his heart.. I’m just an impatient little thing and want what I want when I want it! I know I still have more lessons and growth in me though before my husband will catch up to the place I am at with God..
God spoke those words to me infact!! When I change so will my husband.. but not until I do first! Talk about a challenge!!
Tiffany! Thx for Ur comment. It took me a lifetime to discover I have a God who Loves me – and likes me, too. He’s one who is vitally interested in my day – not to “catch” me, but to guide me. It changed me to find that out. I now find myself seeking His wisdom.
WOW, I really like your decription of discipline. None of us ever wants to feel like we are being punished, but lessons must be learned and sometimes we are so stubborn that the lessons hurt!