I had a thought this morning about denial that slipped my mind because I was busy writing about something else. I better write it now – before it slips again! (I’m getting old(er), U.kno!)
The ultimate denial of my life has been that God could love me. Just as I am. Or that He would if He could. Over and Over and Over again He tried to tell me He Loves me. I didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t believe Him. “You can’t love me… Look at me. I’m not lovable.” But He just wouldn’t stop. Loving me. Telling me. Helping me, in spite of me. I’d accept it for a little while – when I “felt” lovable, but then I’d mess up – again. Sure enough, I would deny – again – that He could love me. “I’m a wretch.” “I’m such a worm.” “I weigh too much.” “I’m an introvert.” “I’m an alcoholic.” “I’m a liar.” I’m a failure.” “I’m a _______fillintheblank.” “You can’t love me – I can’t be good enough for you to love me. I tried!”
He didn’t argue with me about it, He just kept at it. Kept Loving me. Kept wooing me. Kept watching me. But He left me to the consequences of my actions and choices. Finally, those consequences became too much. At the bottom of everything I found out He’s still here. Still Loving me. Still caring for and about me. “He picked me out of the miry clay. He set my feet on the Rock. He put a song in my soul. A song of Praise.”
When I finally quit denying that He Loves me, I began acting like I was Loved. I changed. When I stopped trying to behave so He would Love me, I changed. One day my wife said: “You’ve changed. Again.” That keeps happening. People keep noticing. My response?? – “Yes, I’ve changed – I’m Loved.”
Psst… He wants me to remind U – He Loves U2! He won’t argue with U about it, ’cause that’s not His Way. He’ll just keep reminding U. Again and Again and Again. This is today’s reminder. I’ll bet He does it again tomorrow, too. Watch for it. Let me know.