Recently my FaceBook friend Angie posted: “(Are you) About to jump in the pit again? Talk to someone about how you felt last time and how long it took you to get out…”
I’ve just spent about a month “in the pit”. I called it a funk. But it wasn’t fun. One of the main characteristic of my times in a pit is that I isolate. I stop sharing. I stopped writing. I stop talking with others. I seem to lose that intimate closeness I’m learning to have with God.
It started when I stepped into a puddle of resentment over how I was being treated. I’d like to say: “before I knew it, I was in over my head“. But I was fully aware of every downward slide. But I just kept at it. I started to wallow in it.
Great word – “Wallow” Say it slowly… W. a. a. l. l. l. o. o. w. w.…
Do pictures like these come to mind:?
The thing is, I was right in my assessment of how I’d been treated. “I had a right to feel this way.” But I picked up my “right-ness” and dug myself a hole with it. I jumped in and just kept digging!
A phrase I heard in a recovery meeting comes to mind: “Do I want to be right? Or would I rather be well“? Resentments destroy me. From the inside out. Resentments fester and grow. Inside me. It pops out in ugly ways. As I try to control the ugliness, I bury the good stuff too. Resentments cause my cyclonic mind to spin in destructive pathways.
EVEN if I’m “right”. Perhaps – ESPECIALLY if I’m right.
“Lord, forgive me. Thank You for continuing to show me your way of Grace.” Because You are the Source of Grace in my life, I can give Grace to others. You continue to amaze me with your Relentless Faithfulness. To me. You pursue me. Even into a pit of my own making.
Once again, Lord, when I begin to wonder where you are, I find you right there beside me, looking over my shoulder.
Waiting for me to slow down enough to turn from my way back to your embrace.
Then, when I “come back” – You teach me The Better Way!
The Way of Grace