I spent 50+ years trying to figure out and UNDERSTAND my life. I could take U to the recovery room, I could show U the light that came on as I read step #3 that said “Turn Ur life and will over to the care of a loving God as U understand Him.”
I thought: “I can never understand God. If I could, I’d be God. He is and I’m not.”
So I decided to stop trying to understand.
It was as if I stepped thru a gate that had been locked. That decision set me free in ways that I did not know (understand) I had been bound.
I discovered that MY UNDERSTANDING was not the important thing. I became able to Trust (God) in ways that had been beyond me.
In the coming months, I found out it was MY EGO that had been driving my QUEST to understand.
I’ve said it before, it’s still true: GOD and my EGO are not compatible. I find that strange, because they are roommates. They both live inside of me.
It Really IS Just That Simple 
Your ego is the special person u are!