Category Archives: PAID IN FULL

Monday Mrng Musings V

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“How is it that some can accept as simple FACT that GOD Loves them?” Why Can’t I?

My Struggle is Real! More so on some days than on others…

The reasons we create in our minds for which God loves us can be a stone tied around our spirit and become a barrier to entering His Presence with boldness and confidence. (Ephesians 3:12)

I have more to say… tomorrow? The Cyclone in my mind is spinning this morning. Give me a day – or two – let’s see if it begins to make enough sense to share. But in the meantime,

Whatcha think??

Do YOU Know this struggle?

Share with us!

For the JOY…

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img_4147-1 Who, for the JOY set before Him, endured the Cross
Hebrews 12:10

Almost 30 years ago, I was lying in a hospital surgery room for the specific purpose of donating my left kidney to my then – 18 year old son. A few years later, on Easter morning, sitting in a Sunday School Young Married Class, I wrote this poem: FORSAKEN? The failure of my son’s kidneys and subsequent transplant process taught me an important and very personal lesson about why GOD allowed his Son to be nailed to that tree.

It’s easy to hear or read or even memorize John 3:16, “For GOD so LOVED the WORLD He gave…” and accept the truth of it. After all, He was dying for all mankind! But these next two phrases take it to a whole different, very personal level:

“*I* was on His Mind, when He was on The Cross.” and:
“If I was the ONLY person on earth, Christ would have died for ME!”

I was awake before 5am this morning in order to pick up my friend and take him to his appointment for surgery. When I met him 3 years ago, he explained he was an agnostic. He accepted the thought of “something or someone being in charge,” but he also acknowledged serious doubts of ever being able to know who or what that could be. (An atheist makes the claim “There is nothing or no one in charge, it all just came to be.”) In spite of our declared differences, we made a connection. Later, he commented to me… “Jim, you give me a lot to think about.” Months later, he began describing himself as a “praying agnostic with an open mind.” My daughter has since said: “Dad, you and Ronnie are good for each other.”

This morning, as we neared the surgery center, I posed this Query to him: “So, let me ask you, what are your current thoughts about this JESUS Guy?” He said he has accepted the historical truth that Jesus walked this earth, and died on The Cross, but he’s not sure what that means to him today.

As we sat in the parking lot, I told him; “Scripture says ‘For the JOY set before Him, He endured The Cross.’ Ronnie, I’ve come to realize that I AM THE JOY, FOR WHICH JESUS ENDURED THE CROSS! The possibility of having a personal relationship with ME brought Him a Joy that surpassed the agony.”

It was not the Son’s obedience to the will of His Father that brought Him Joy. It was not finally gaining victory over His arch enemy, Satan that made Him want to dance with Joy. It was not the possibility of finishing His work on earth and finally going home. Jesus was looking forward some 2000+ years into the future to the possibility of having an ongoing, growing relationship with JIM CATLETT! It’s TRUE, *I* was on His mind as He drew His last breath and declared: “IT IS FINISHED!”

Pssst… He wants me to tell you… YOU were on His mind, too!

I can in no way compare the kidney transplant surgery my son and I experienced to the absolute agony of Christ’s Death. But the fact that I gave life to him (again) has connected my son and I in a way we did not have before. The morning after the surgery, as I agonizingly lay in bed and watched My Son bounce into the room with a new color in his face and a brightness to his eyes that he had not had for 10 years, my JOY knew no limits. He grabbed the crossbar of the bed next to me, swung across and plopped down on the bed with a huge grin.  Today, almost 30 years later, he still has that part of me living in him, doing its job!.

Today, I have CHRIST  living in me. Simply because God Loved Me enough to offer me the Gift of His Son’s Death. And… I said “YES!”

He makes YOU the same offer!!
Have you given an answer?

THE BATTLE GROUND

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“There is a war between guilt and GRACE!” 

The other day, as I walked into our bedroom, I noticed these words written on the notepad next to the dual recliner where my WW sits. They come from the song by Matthew West, “GRACE WINS“

Lately, I’ve been pondering the effects of GRACE in my life. I’m beginning to realize that I have greatly undervalued what GRACE DID, what GRACE does, what God wants GRACE to do in, for and through me.

Matthew West continues his song with these words; “GRACE WINS!! Every Time!! For the woman at the well, GRACE WINS!! For the beggar on the street, GRACE WINS!! For the prodigal son, GRACE WINS!!“

This morning’s “Daily Verse” from “YouVersion” was Psalms 139:23,24

‭‭“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” ‭NLT‬‬

This morning, I’m saddened to think how many times I’ve prayed that from a place of guilt and shame, standing (or kneeling, as the case may be) before God but seeing him as my Judge. It makes me want to run away. Sometimes I do.

This is not the prayer of a guilty man waiting to hear sentence passed for his guilt and shame. It’s the Q posed by the prodigal son to his Faithful Father at the breakfast table the morning after the party as they enjoy steaks leftover from the fattened calf and eggs  the servants gathered that morning from the free-range hens in the yard. (Luke 15:11-32)

It’s the Q from the heart of a recovering, wandering son who has once again been embraced by “Abba-Daddy”

Let me see if I can put this in my own words as I picture myself sitting at that table:

“Dad, I came back yesterday because I knew you are a man of compassion. All my life I’ve seen how you treat your servants. You’ve always treated the men and women who work for you better than most of my friends were treated by their fathers. 

Last month, I remembered that about you. Someday, maybe I’ll tell you where I was and what I was doing when I remembered, but I think I’d rather just forget about it. But let me simply say that I woke up in the blackest, darkest hole of my life. 

Then I remembered!

YOU!

Dad, I came back to be your servant. I came back to sweep the dung out of your stables. I came back to clean the hen house on my hands and knees. I came back to… 

YOU!!

NEVER in my wildest thoughts did I think I would come back and be your son!! I fully expected to grovel. I fully expected to spend the rest of my days trying to pay penance for the way I hurt you. But you… You!!!  Dad, You put the family robe around my shoulders. You embraced me!! You put your ring on my finger. You brought out the finest wine, and Oh! Wow!! This steak…!!!

Dad, (by the way, it feels strange to call you ‘Dad’)…  Let me take this moment to ask you, from the depth my heart, with all the gratitude I can manage; “Teach me. This morning, Dad, search my heart; test me and show me my hurtful ways. Daddy, I want to spend the rest my life letting you teach me how to be your son.”

THAT is the war between guilt and GRACE. The battle in my life between guilt and GRACE is fought at the gateway to the homestead. Because of my guilt, I hesitate to respond when He calls. The Father beckons me forward. I hesitate. The Father says: “Come, my son, all is ready. For you. I’ve been waiting. For you. Too often, I’ve turned away. In shame.  “I’ve been watching every day. For you. But… I’ve done all can can do. For you. Unless you come home. The Choice is yours. I chose you, but I cannot make that choice FOR you.”

BECAUSE OF MY GRACE, THE DOOR IS WIDE OPEN FOR YOU, MY SON! COME HOME!!

RELATED POSTS

Broken ‘n Unworthy

HIS PRESENCE! – HOW?

I KEPT COMING BACK

But What about my sin?

My Judge? or “Father”!

https://itreallyisjustthatsimple.com/50shadesofgrace

My Side of the Fence

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I was yakking with my friend Jon yesterday afternoon. During our conversation I used a phrase that’s been on my mind lately. Then I remarked: “That sounds like the title to a blogpost! I better write it down before it slips my mind.“ Well, we continued talking and I didn’t, then last night couldn’t recall what I had said.

Funny, in our conversation, we’d mentioned that both our memories aren’t what they used to be. I like to blame mine on age. lol

Anyway, this morning, it came back to me!!! Yay!! …but I digress. Q – can U get sidetracked before U’re even on track? So, anyway… Moving on….

At Celebrate Recovery, we learned that we are only responsible for cleaning up OUR side of the street. If I hurt someone and need to make amends, I am only responsible for my apology, not for their reaction to that apology. (unless I make it worse by the words or attitude I use) I can choose to make “Living Amends,” which means I learn from their hurt and choose to treat them differently  because of it.

Likewise, If I am hurt by someone, I am only responsible for my reaction. I can choose to forgive their action without any evidence of change on their part. Part of my responsibility may include establishing boundaries to protect myself in the relationship. Learning to set boundaries means I need to understand what is on my side of the street (fence) and what is not.

In so many ways, this has made my life easier. I am powerless to control other people. At the beginning of this understanding, it felt incredibly selfish. “I am only responsible for ME?”?!?!? That was so contrary to how I had always lived.

“Hi, my name is Jim. I’m a grateful believer in Jesus, but I struggle with co-dependency and compulsive people-pleasing.” 

The C.R. small-group 3rd guideline states: “We are here to support one another, not FIX another!” I’m learning the difference between support and fixing. Between influence and control. Between talking and listening. (OK,  I’m still working on that one) I’m learning that I have Influence over other people, but I can lose that influence in direct proportion to the amount of Control I exert.

This understanding is revolutionizing my relationships. With other people. With myself. Even with God! When I first heard the 3rd small-group guideline, my reaction was: “Really? REALLY?!? D’ya mean it’s not my God-Given Responsibilty to FIX Problems I see in the lives of Others?” 

Gradually, I’m coming to realize how much I was playing God in the lives of Others.  I’ve seen how much I was focused on what I perceived to be the failures of Others instead of their Value. This new understanding is leading me to be more accepting of where and who they are instead of what and who I suppose they should be, do, say and think. As I release CONTROL, I’m recognizing that I’m having a greater INFLUENCE.

In the words of that great Mayberry philosopher Gomer Pyle, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!!!

Wow! This is NOT where I thought this was going to go when I started this post. Where’d all THAT come from?!? What I had in mind is perhaps a major result of this process. Perhaps I needed to say all that in order to better understand this:

THIS thought is what has been percolating in this cyclonic mind of mine the past few days –

FROM GOD’s SIDE OF THE FENCE, EVERYTHING HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE! 

ALL THE CHANGES NEEDED IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM ARE ON MY SIDE OF THE FENCE!

Now comes the Surprise,Surprise,Surprise; 

Just as the veil in the temple was ripped in half from top to bottom when Jesus said from the Cross, “It is Finished,” John 13:30

THE FENCE HAS BEEN TORN DOWN!! 

Jesus IS NOT peeking over the fence like a nosy neighbor prying into Ur business.  

He’s pitched a tent in Ur back yard. He’s sitting in Ur living room. He’s sleeping in Ur spare bedroom. He’s sitting in a chair at Ur dinner table. 

But He’s the most gentle and respectful house guest U’ve ever had. He only goes where he’s invited. 

It’s up to YOU! He longs to be more than a guest. He wants to be FAMILY!!

P.S… U don’t have to clean house, U don’t have to make the bed, wash the windows, scrub the floor, do the dishes, paint the walls, clear out the sheds, trim the hedge before U let Him in. 

For most of my life, I did not understand that He could/would live in a broken heart. Then one dark(est) day, Surprise, Surprise, Surprise! He began to heal me from the inside out. 

He continues to surprise me. 

SURRENDER!!…?

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I grew up singing: “I surrender, I surrender all!”  We were encouraged to completely commit the rest of our lives to Him – NOW! Today!!

That may have been just my perception, but that’s what I kept trying to do.

Tried, couldn’t do it.  Wanted to. Kept falling down. Didn’t know what to do with my failure. Wanted to quit trying. Did…, for awhile.

Now I know. Now I (am beginning to) understand – Better!

PROCESS!!
BABY STEPS!!

God takes what we can give to Him TODAY and waits patiently until tomorrow becomes today and we get to do it again. And… again, the next day! And…

In the meantime, He asks us to just take a walk.

With Him. With His Son. Jesus. His Holy Spirit goes too.

  • “Pay attention, son. I have something important to tell you.“

“There is now therefore NO CONDEMNATION, (Anger, Impatience, Rejection) toward us – from Him.”