A few months ago, my good friend, Angie posted on FaceBook:
“Someone told me you can know God’s path because it’ll be smooth &
filled with certainty. I’m not sure Jesus would agree.” @John Alan Turner(pastor)
As she’s done before, she set my mind to spinning. She has a very unique way of doing that!
I responded with:
In a recovery meeting today, the topic was “Healing“. As I sat there listening and thinking, I realized that most of the healing in recovery for me has come in my relationships – with myself, with God, and with others. As I am learning to walk in that healing, my life has gotten a lot less hectic and stumbly.
Yes, that’s right, STUMBLY! I like that word! That’s why I invented it.
It describes my life Pre-Process.
I no longer stumble and fall so hard over the lumps in the carpet I created by the secrets I hid. My relationship with my past-self is being healed as I have found the safety and courage to stop hiding from it.
I no longer constantly stumble over the things I don’t understand, ’cause I know Somebody who understand everything and He promises to help me understand it when and if I need to.
I no longer stumble so severely over remarks that others say that hurt me, because I’ve come to know it may come from that place deep inside them that hurts like I did(and sometimes still do).
I no longer stumble over my faults. For most (all) of my life, I thought I needed to be better than I was so God would Love me more. As I’ve learned that God.Loves.Me.Just.As.I.Am. I’m amazed at how my faults are just not as important as they used to be. In fact, some of what I thought were my worst character defects have become some of my greatest strengths.
I no longer constantly stumble over people who don’t like me. Or who don’t approve of me. “Hey, this is me… Don’t like it? Let’s see if we can work it out. If we can’t, U go Ur way, I’ll go mine. I refuse to make my life stumbly because U don’t like me“. (I do realize you can’t, and shouldn’t do that with everyone)
I no longer stumble over my relationship with God. Recovery Step 3 says: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God…” All my life I was told: “Be careful, God’s watching you“. I understood that to mean “He’s watching so He can catch you when you do something wrong – and punish you“. Now, I KNOW! He’s watching because He loves me. He wants to catch me, yes, but He wants to catch me when I fall. He wants to guide me. He wants to comfort me. I now KNOW He will discipline me when I need it, not to punish me, but to teach me.
I no longer stumble (so much) over all the things left on my To-Do-List. One of the greatest sources of satisfaction for me has always been My.List! If, at the end of the day I had lots of red stripes on the page, it was a good day. Frustration arose if I got stuck on something. Today, I am getting better at setting aside My.List! in favor of PEOPLE! My life is richer because of it.
Future Stumbles are no longer a huge worry for me. I’ve seen time and time and time again how God has been there for me and mine. I have seen His RELENTLESS FAITHFULNESS. He has used some of my hardest and most painful days to make my life the way it is today. I can therefore trust Him to continue to do that tomorrow, next week, next year.
OF COURSE, I’d like to still pretend my life is perfect and I never stumble and fall in the pit anymore. But that isn’t my reality. (And neither is it yours) But since the day of my “Heart Attack“, God & I (mostly God) have changed my life in ways I never imagined was possible.